


Dating For Dunderheads

by Milotzi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: snape100, Dating, F/M, Mentor/Protégé, Older Woman/Younger Man, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 13:26:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14136963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milotzi/pseuds/Milotzi
Summary: A series of interactions between Minerva and Severus that will change their relationship from mentor and mentee to something else. Set during the early teaching career of Severus Snape.





	1. Caught in the Act

**Author's Note:**

> Fanwork originally written as separate if connected pieces for snape100's prompt Challenge 735: Snape's New Year's Resolutions: Go on More Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus has some important facts to check. Minerva arrives at an inopportune moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original title: Natural Skills 1

Severus quickly dropped the picture he was looking at and threw the _Daily Prophet_ over the little pile in front of him but not fast enough, he thought. Damn it, she must have seen at least something. 

The Deputy Headmistress's lips twitched slightly as she sat down next to him. "So you think the Slytherins will have another lucky win and you'll get another Friday evening off?" "We Slytherins don't need luck, we win on account of our natural superior skills and techniques. And now you must excuse me. I've had my breakfast and have some potions to look after."

Leaving in a huff, his face a bright red, Severus did not notice that two pictures had slipped out until it was too late. When he turned round, there she was, looking, in a somewhat amused manner, at two examples from Scamander's _The Birds and The Bees Do It and So Can You. A Collection of 101 Positions for Beginners in Colour (The Dating for Dunderheads Series, 3, The Suitcase Edition)_. One eyebrow raised, she held them out to him: "Brushing up on what comes naturally, are you?" 

"No comment," he croaked, grabbed the pictures and fled.


	2. Tea and Biscuits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus is upset and decides to complain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original title: Natural Skills 2

"You have been gossiping about me!" Minerva barely looked up from the essay she was correcting when he barged into her office. "Can I help you with anything, Professor Snape?"

"Don't play the innocent, you interfering old biddy. I've had the Headmaster suggest various sweets the ladies like as well as Pomona offer to teach ME plant lore, 'how to subtly convey and induce shades of love' using Victorian flower language; Madam Pomfret asked me whether I was _au courant_ with the latest trend in contraceptive spells; Filius tried to take me aside for 'an - ahem - intimate chat' - I thought he was coming on to me until he mentioned sharing his 'insights into courting and cavorting'. And worst of all, bloody Argus bloody Filch suggested we 'swap dirty pics' so I'd 'get some new ideas' ..."

"Oh dear. I suppose we'd better talk this through over a nice cup of tea and some biscuits. Do sit down, Severus. I can't have a sensible conversation with you if you're looming over me like that. Now that's better." She passed him his tea.

"Now, Severus, has anything I've said or done before ever given you the impression that I'm a - a claik tauking to all and sundry about foulk's private matters? So no, it wasn't me. Maybe what happened was that you've not been as discrete as you thought with your Friday evenings? Going out dressed up to the nines, all bright-eyed and bushy tailed, and mostly coming back in a foul mood? A boarding school isn't a great place to have a private 'private life' even when you don't advertise it as loudly as you have yours by meeting all these young women at _The Three Broomsticks_ of all places. You're lucky students haven't copped on yet."

Severus gave this a moment's serious consideration and then snorted contemptuously. "But then why all the sudden interest by everyone? I have been going on dates for months now and..."

"Well, Severus, I suppose none of us wanted to interfere with your personal life but when you seemed more hopeful than usual after your two dates with Rosmerta's niece they must have thought you might want their advice to make a success of it. Apparently having a third date has some sort of special significance, or so I have heard."

"They should have saved themselves the trouble. She's returning to the US and there won't be any third date. As it turns out she has a fiancé there. So back to square one." He started stabbing the ginger newt on his plate with his teaspoon until it turned into a little heap of crumbs and then transfigured it into a dark chocolate ice-cream meringue.

Minerva's lips twitched ever so slightly but she pulled herself together and patted his arm. "You'll be fine, Severus. At least you know you have friends in Hogwarts." 


	3. Third Time Lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus is upset again and decides to complain again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Original title: He Returns (Natural Skills 3)

Two days later Severus was back. "I've thought about what you said the other day," he said in a tone of voice that did not bode well for the rest of the conversation. 

Minerva sighed and accio'ed a bottle of Laphroaig and two glasses. If it was going to be that kind of evening she needed fortification. "Do sit down and tell me what you think is wrong with what I have said or done this time."

"You said I had friends at Hogwarts who were trying to help me. So how come YOU didn't volunteer any advice? YOU're my mentor; YOU're supposed to give me advice when I need it. Oh, I forgot, you're a bloody Gryffindor and Gryffindors only look out for other GRYFFINDORS."

"Don't be absurd, Severus. I know you're upset about Rosmerta's niece but don't take it out on me. I merely assumed, maybe wrongly, that as an adult you'd be well able to deal with your personal life yourself and would ask me for my advice if it was wanted. And I don't think I'm the best person to give advice on that particular topic, anyway."

"Dating, you mean? You mean you haven't dated? You're a, ... a virgin?“

They stared at each other.

“Don't be daft. I'm a widow. When I dated my husband it was because he was much older than me. My parents' and his generation dated, just like yours does nowadays. In my generation we didn't have these endless loops before we did it. And, yes, Severus, you can stop looking at me like that, I do mean sex, with or without love, in various ways and circumstances and as often as it suits, as long as it brings joy to all involved and as long as it's between consenting adults. People of my generation simply get on with it without making so much fuss and I don't quite see why your generation can't do the same. Simple and straightforward sex isn't that difficult once you decide to act like a grown-up. But maybe that's the problem."

By now Minerva was standing, her cheeks and throat showing an animated blush and her eyes sparkling. Severus suppressed the urge to tell her how beautiful she looked and concentrated on winning the argument.

"Simple and straightforward sex? That sounds brilliant. You're telling me that a person can have simple and straightforward sex while teaching in Hogwarts? Away from the city? Anyone can have simple and straightforward sex in the city. There are strangers you can meet in pubs in the city. There are brothels in the city and hey, presto, money-sex, a simple and straightforward transaction. But here? Don't tell me you are actually getting laid and no-one has told me."

He stood up, half-expecting to be hexed to the other end of the school.

They were staring at each other, each willing the other to blink.

Minerva gave in first, "Don't be crude, Severus. Not that it's any of your business, but no, not at the moment. Although I've had partners here in the past. All I'm saying is that it doesn't have to be so complicated. If you like someone just ask and if they agree, try and relax and have some fun. I'm not saying go to bed with everyone or that love doesn't exist - just that you needn't work so hard on every single aspect of life, Severus." She sighed, "And that's me done giving you unwanted advice like the old biddy you called me the other day." She gave him a crooked smile.

Severus was still staring at her. "You're not...", he croaked, then cleared his throat. Not quite sure what had made up his mind when he had not even known there was a decision to make, he spoke up after taking a sip from the glass in front of him. "I happen to have a table reserved for dinner on Friday, Minerva. Maybe you'd care to join me even if it's a bit indiscreet. And if you felt like it, we could count that dinner as our third date, after tea the other day and the whiskey tonight." He held his breath.

Minerva stared at him in utter surprise. Then her crooked smile returned and turned into a broad grin. "Or," she said, "while we could wait for Friday, we could also start counting from that breakfast when you dropped those intriguing pictures. And you could give me a detailed explanation of what's so special about third dates right now."

And they both started laughing. 


End file.
